Tiffany Nielsen

Adult and Youth Etiquette Workshops

Dining Etiquette: Fishing Around with Knives

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Dining Etiquette
Fishing Around with Knives

At the moment, my wife and I are having dinner at a beautiful restaurant in Hawaii and we have an etiquette question for you. Is this a butter-like knife to the right of my plate? We have a butter knife on the bread plate to the left and find it puzzling to have two of the same funny looking knives at a place setting.

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Aloha Savvy Diner,

What lies to the right of your plate is a Fish Knife, a type of knife not often seen in restaurants these days. Wow, I envy you!  You know how I love fine dining!

So, how do you use this fancy fish knife…that is what you really want to know, right?   Take notice of the photo above and look for the notch and scallop carving on the knife. This artistic edging serves as extra help for lifting away bones when not already performed by the chef.

Practice makes perfect (and it gives you confidence too) so learn to fillet your own fish. Here are the steps:

  • Starting at the neck, insert the tip of the knife underneath the backbone.
  • Slide the knife down to the tail, underneath the backbone all the way.
  • Lift off gently and place on your plate or the extra plate provided by your server.

My friend Jennifer gave me an antique fish knife for my birthday; a very fitting gift for a dining etiquette junkie like me! If you want to learn how to use the fish knife in person, join me September 19, 2011 for our “Family Dining Etiquette: Formal Dining at its Finest” program in Exeter, CA. Quickly register for this sell-out program and come learn just how easy it is!

Which Fork Do I Use?

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Dear Tiffany,

When I sit down for dinner I typically eat my salad first. This is a popular style of dining in America.  I was taught to use the fork farthest from my dinner plate to eat my salad. In the book, The Power of Civility, your co-author’s formal place setting illustration suggests the complete opposite. Can you please clarify because I like to stand out-not stick out while dining! Thanks!

Dear Savvy Diner,

In the chapter, “Dining with Civility,” found in the book, The Power of Civility, Co-Author Nonnie Cameron Owens provides a beautiful illustration of the most formal place setting. I use a similar illustration when teaching dining etiquette to my clients because of its insightful presentation of formal dining.

Note that in her illustration found in the book, the salad fork is placed closest to the dinner plate. This means the salad will be served following the entrée, as seen in the photo below.

You are right that in America the salad is typically served before the main meal, in which case the salad fork will be placed farthest left of the plate.  Mrs. Owens illustrates a formal meal where fish, rather than salad, will be the diner’s first course that is to be eaten with a fork.

If you look closely at the photo I’ve included in this blog post, are you able to pick out the dessert setting?  It’s the fork and spoon setting resting directly above the plate. Is the setting placed correctly? Not quite. The dessert fork is placed correctly on the table, however the handle of the spoon needs to face the bread plate instead of the wine glasses.

The most important rule for navigating a place setting is to always work from the outside in. Remember this and you will always know you are using the right fork -and also the right spoon- during a meal.

Copyright 2011 Tiffany Nielsen. All Rights Reserved.  To reprint, please contact Tiffany Nielsen at tiffany@tiffanynielsen.com for permission. www.tiffanyynielsen.com

Ask Tiffany: What Do I Do When I Can’t Remember a Name?

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Tiffany, is there any way of handling what to do when you run into people and you have to introduce them to the people you are with, but you can’t remember names?

– B. Hart- Three Rivers, CA

Dear Thoughtful Introducer,

Some people are exceptionally proficient at remembering names, making the art of introductions look like a walk in the park.

Take Franklin D. Roosevelt. His staff members were amazed at his ability to recall the names of people he had met only once. When asked how he did it, he simply imagined seeing their names written across their foreheads.  I wonder… who taught him this level of social etiquette?

My husband and I have an unspoken rule that helps us avoid the uncomfortable situation of not remembering names when really; most of the time, we ought to know names of people standing before us. Having this rule (and I hope you will borrow it) influences us to choose the principle of etiquette: respect.

If David is supposed to be introducing me and doesn’t, that’s my cue to stick my hand out and say “Hi, I’m Tiffany Nielsen.”  This helps put him at ease, I gain a new friend and etiquette prevails in making us all comfortable.

Another helpful tip…

Say to your nameless friend(s), “Hi, I’d like to introduce you to our good friends Tiffany and David Nielsen.”  David and Tiffany will say, “Nice to meet you” and then will ask “What is your name?” Ta-da the name mystery is solved and people form a new relationship!

My most thoughtful mother in law Charlene has this art of introductions nailed down and I rest on her plan for solving icky meet and greet situations.  In her words, “As for my own failures in this regard, sometimes I just blush and say, ‘Forgive me, I can’t believe I’m drawing a blank,’ or whatever, as I request the name of somebody I’ve known forever.”

The good news for Charlene, as well as for us all, is an often gracious response that we aren’t the only one with this affliction.

The Power of Civility offers resources for learning more about how to get through introductions “Suzi” style. Who’s Suzi? Guess you will have pick up your copy of this brand new book to find out.

Fretting Over Introductions

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Dear Tiffany,


I’m always attending work-related events and find it royally confusing, and sometimes intimidating, to introduce myself to strangers. I also notice that there are a lot of people not being introduced to others, leaving them to wander about alone and unsure. I’m confused about who should introduce who?

Dear Not-As-Confused-As-You-Think,

There’s something really uncomfortable about attending a work-related event and finding yourself unsure how to break the ice with new people. It is worse to be a veteran at the event allowing a never seen before or “new-be” linger along the wall alone and timid and doing nothing about it.

All I can say is you should be the one who gets introductions done so everyone feels at ease, including yourself. Never let “wallflowers” blossom too long alone in a corner. Draw them in like a good scout to help them make new friends. If you want to stand out, always remember that everyone was the lone wanderer at one time and a good leader recalls and remedies this uneasy situation by connecting people.

Say the most important person’s name first. For example: Congressman ________, I’d like to introduce you to our Vice President______. If you don’t know who is most important, better to guess than duck the introduction.

Refer to The Power of Civility as a great guide for the dos and don’ts of introductions.  I promise, you will love this book!

Free! The Power of Civility Tele-Summit

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I am celebrating and you are invited to my free virtual book launch tele-summit.

I am thrilled to announce I am a co-author in an innovative new book entitled, The Power of Civility. This is an incredible resource to support you in finding out what civility really means, as well as incorporating civility best practices into your work and life.

To celebrate the release of this new book, myself and the other co-authors are hosting a free Power of Civility Virtual Book Launch Tele-Summit.

This free six-week tele-summit will serve as an incredible opportunity for you to take yourself on an amazing journey of self-discovery, where you can gain great insight and be challenged to think about your personal standards, accountability and values.

Real Tools and Guidelines to Boost Your Confidence and Poise!

Each co-author will be interviewed on her book topic. I will be presenting on my chapter, Stand Out—Don’t Stick Out.

Everyone can use a civility boost. We can all benefit from learning the secrets of achieving significant personal and professional success through civility. Won’t you join us? 

Click here to find out more

I’m excited, we are excited about this great book, The Power of Civility! I hope you will celebrate with us by joining us for our virtual book launch tele-summit.