incivility | Tiffany Nielsen

International Etiquette: What to Wear to the Vatican

May 2, 2012 By Tiffany Nielsen

Vatican dress codes My upcoming trip to Italy presents an exciting opportunity to see this culturally rich country through the eyes of its residents. I wonder to myself, what is it like to live in Venice? How do they manage the hustle and bustle of the tourist in Rome without becoming overly annoyed? What can I do to avoid the stigma of the “Ugly American”?

When David and I traveled through Northern Europe in 2007, it was in Russia that I learned the meaning of “Ugly American.” I’ll avoid providing details of the experience we found ourselves facing there in order to remain civilly thoughtful regarding this matter, warning only that the scene was ghastly, embarrassing and yes, ugly. I couldn’t help but take a photo of the Ugly American because life’s little lessons become opportunities to help us all present ourselves at our very best.

My mother taught me to dress nicely when I travel and frequently reminded me that we are an extension of our family and our country everywhere we go. She further instilled the virtues of adorning ourselves appropriately for church and when visiting religious sites, which will come in especially handy this time since churches, including St. Peters Basilica, are a part of my itinerary. I hear dress codes are strict there. The last thing I want is to be escorted away from St. Peters by a Swiss Guard for not being properly dressed! No wonder I am thumbing through guide books and etiquette articles written by others as well as by me, eager to be pretty rather than ugly in Italy.

What to Wear to the Vatican

If you are looking forward to an opportunity to visit Italy, consider these style tips for visiting Vatican City. They come in handy also for respectful appearance at any religious site:

Religions sites request decency while avoiding risqué, revealing attire.
Covered shoulders are a must and avoid showing cleavage. Save that for date night!
No shorts please. This applies to both men and women.
Skirts to the knees or longer.
Reasonable shoes, yes. Loud noise makers, blister makers and show stoppers are a “no-no.”
Choose class over trend and style over leisure wear.

I look forward, on my return, to sharing what I learn, this time, about the pleasures of traveling as an attractive American.

Ciao!

The “Terrible Ten” Behaviors

May 20, 2011 By Tiffany Nielsen

Several forms of 9-to-5 incivility earned spots on the “Terrible Ten” list of rude behaviors, based on a new survey of 615 workers and others in Baltimore.

The complete list of “Terrible Ten” behaviors:

1. Discrimination in an employment situation.
2. Erratic/aggressive driving that endangers others.
3. Taking credit for someone else’s work.
4. Treating service providers as inferiors.
5. Jokes or remarks that mock another’s race,gender,age,disability or religion.
6. Children who behave aggressively or who bully others.
7. Littering (including trash, spitting, pet waste).
8. Misuse of handicapped privileges.
9. Smoking in non-smoking places or smoking in front of non-smokers without asking.
10. Using cell phones or text messaging in mid- conversation or during an appointment or meeting.

“The research suggests that people are bothered more by the transgressions of coworkers and strangers than by those of family and friends,” said P.M. Forni, director of the Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins, who conducted the research with David Stevens, Treva Stack and Stacey Lee of the University of Baltimore.

I’d like to add:

Passing the buck and lack of personal accountability.

What about you?

Finding Civility with Lemons

February 14, 2011 By Tiffany Nielsen

Finding Civility with Lemons

Finding civility where none exists is not only a problem for the nation, but one I find affecting me personally. As a person who supports the win-win of civility, I’m in a situation where I’m being tossed buckets of lemons and expected to make lemonade when I can’t find limited amounts of sugar. You might be able to relate?

As I struggle with my own personal challenge, agonizing over the grief incivility can cause, I’m thinking how ironic. Here I stand, in the mist of my own practice, finding civility not to be as easy to achieve as I thought it would be in my case, and recognizing that I need to walk more in my own shoes for the sake of being a better champion for others. Oh, how I love humility!

So, after careful thought, prayer and slicing through to what matters most to me, I’ve come up with a recipe for sweet civility to try out on myself. Perhaps it will help you if you stumble into a similar situation:

Find the right words.
Speak as I’d like to be spoken to.
Express love with respect for both myself and others.
Be positive, constructive and honest.
Avoid dragging skeletons out of the closet that have nothing to do with the problem.
Practice humility.
Be specific as to my concerns.
Be a good listener.
Show gratitude for a listening ear.
Be prepared to live and learn from failure.

Civility isn’t necessarily born in an instant. It needs time to germinate and spread its sweetness. Those who prevail are those willing to hang in there long enough to enjoy the harvest together.

Tiffany Nielsen, President of Premier Etiquette and co author of the book Incredible Business, shows professionals, collegians and youth how to use the power of civility and etiquette to be their very best selves in business, school and social situations . Visit her website at http://www.tiffanynielsen.com to get her special report on etiquette today!